


I Was Never Wrong (I Can Be Perfect)

by thanks_for_the_existential_crisis



Series: The Queer Adventures of Nelson and Murdock & co. [1]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Agender Character, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Foggy Nelson, BAMF Marci Stahl, Canon Disabled Character, Catholic Character, Catholic Matt Murdock, Foggy Nelson Is a Good Bro, Happy Ending, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, Internalized Transphobia, LGBTQ Character, Light Angst, Matt Murdock & Foggy Nelson Friendship, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Self-Esteem Issues, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 21:06:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15057809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanks_for_the_existential_crisis/pseuds/thanks_for_the_existential_crisis
Summary: Matt is dealing with some isses with his gender and shit, Foggy is a good, supportive bro, and Marci has a heart. Its kind of hurt/comfort and a journey to self-confidence.





	I Was Never Wrong (I Can Be Perfect)

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for some internalized transphobia that is due to religious background. Vague mentions of homophobic/transphobic background characters. 
> 
> Not really any body dysphoria mentioned but definite mentions of body parts like "this is what I have" but not like intense hatred of it or whatever. Any dysphoria type problems is mostly like how people address the character and the clothes they feel confortable in. I wouldn't say there's body dysphoria but definietly gender dysphoria if that makes sense? 
> 
> Happy ending

       When Foggy left for class in the morning Matt waited for about twenty minutes before pulling the box out from under his bed and changing his clothes. He wanted to wait and be sure Foggy wasn't going to come back. The clothes he changed into were nice, soft and comfortable, but he had to wait until he was alone because it was  _ wrong.  _ He had a penis. So he was a boy. That's what they had told him at the orphanage.

 

_ “Matthew those are for girls come along to where the boys are.”  _

 

God had given him a penis and made him a boy. So he wasn't supposed to wear these clothes. He wasn't supposed to  _ want  _ these clothes. But he couldn't help it. The skirt was so nice and felt so  _ right _ and the sweater, a pastel purple he had been told, was so  _ soft  _ and felt perfect against his skin. He was so focused on the feeling of finally being  _ right  _ and  _ comfortable  _ that he didn't notice someone coming until it was too late. 

 

      The door slammed open and he froze. 

 

      “Matty, buddy, there's this great coffee place, like, five min-oh.” 

 

      Matt couldn't breathe and was digging his nails into his palm to ward off tears, “You-you’re supposed to be in class…” His world was falling apart and he still can't breathe and his hands hurt from being fisted and tense and...and...and…

 

       “It was canceled. Wanna go get coffee?” 

 

      And Foggy wasn't saying anything about it. 

 

      “S-sure. I...I’ll just...change...” 

 

       “Alright Matt, sure. But you don't have to y’know?” 

 

       Matt couldn't comprehend what was happening. He thought Foggy was ignoring it. That makes sense. It's  _ wrong. He's  _ wrong. So why would Foggy say that?

 

      “What?” 

 

      “I assume you didn't want me to know, you thought I was in class, so I'm sorry I kind of stumbled on it. But there's nothing wrong with it. If that's what you wanna wear then you do you dude. Anyone who makes it a problem is a dick. And we can sick Marci on them. I've seen her make people  _ cry _ over intolerance Matt. Its beautiful.” 

 

      But...it's not...he's supposed to… 

 

      Foggy started talking again, calm and gentle, trying to soothe. “Matt I dunno what's going on. I don't know how you're feeling or what you're thinking. I don't know if this has come up in your past. But I'm here okay? It's not my business unless you want it to be but you can tell me anything. We're besties forever right? So I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to fight the people that do judge you.” 

 

      Matt smiled shyly at him and unclenched his fists, “Would...Do you think this sweater would look alright with jeans?” 

 

      “Yeah buddy, for sure! Especially that lighter pair that you always cuff a bit at the bottom.” 

 

      So Matt was confused but he put on the jeans Foggy mentioned and they went to get coffee. For once in his life Matt felt okay. Not perfect. No. But okay. And the whispers he could hear and stares he could feel didn't even bother him that much because he could tell by the way Foggy tensed if someone stared too long or whispered too loud that he was glaring them into submission. Even if he would prefer to be wearing his skirt instead of his jeans he was glad Foggy came back early and he was glad Foggy said what he did. And maybe one day they could go somewhere and Matt would be comfortable enough to wear his skirt.   
  


*******

      Over the next few weeks Matt got more comfortable around his and Foggy’s room and, even when Foggy was there, he wore whatever he wanted. He even got some flats like he had wanted to. Foggy helped him pick some that would match his favorite sweater, the purple one. It was the softest but, now that he knew Foggy didn't mind, he had more skirts and sweaters and blouses so it wasn't his only option. He got so comfortable with Foggy that on days like this one, when he wanted to wear one of his skirts, he didn't pay as much attention to people walking by their room. Foggy knew. Foggy didn't care. Everyone else knocked. Everyone else except apparently Marci. 

 

      Matt was studying for a test in a black, pleated mini skirt and a plain white sweater when Marci barged in, furious and looking to vent to Foggy. But he wasn't there. So, when she slammed the door open and started off with, “Foggy-bear you won't  _ believe  _ what these  _ ignorant swine  _ di-!” Matt jumped and turned towards the door, his eyes widened in shock. He heard her gasp and let out a soft, “ _ Well fuck _ ,” and then she cleared her throat and shut the door after stepping further into the room. 

 

      “Murdock. I'm sorry. I should have knocked.” 

 

      “I-I…” Matt couldn't find it in himself to form a sentence. This is the second time someone found out  _ without him wanting them to _ and he didn't know if he could handle it again. Sure Foggy said Marci is all for tolerance but  _ fuck  _ its Marci. Marci who doesn't even seem to  _ like  _ Matt. She's only around him because he and  _ Foggy  _ are close and she's friends with Foggy. 

 

      Then of course to make this stressful situation so much better, Foggy comes back from wherever he was. He walks in humming, holding what smells like Chinese food. When he sees the situation Matt hears him freeze and tense. Then he drops the bag of food and slams the door shut because  _ anyone could walk by  _ and  _ why is this Matt’s life?  _ He should have known better. Shouldn't have gotten comfortable. It's all going to be fucked now because he was  _ stupid enough  _ to get fucking  _ comfortable.  _

 

__ Foggy starts to speak but Marci cuts him off, “Hush Nelson,” then turns her attention back to Matt, “I'm transgender. Male to female. I don't know what you've got going on here. But it sure as hell isn't my business to tell anyone anything about it. So I won't be. I promise.” 

 

      Her heartbeat stays steady. She's telling the truth. Matt nods at her because he still can't speak. Foggy picks up the bag of food and puts it on his desk while Marci sits down on his bed. 

 

      “Murdock.” 

 

      Matt clears his throat, “Yes?” 

 

       “If you ever want to talk I can listen. And I will verbally _slaughter_ anyone who gives you shit.” 

 

      Matt feels awkward. Marci is being kind to him. Almost gentle. It's disconcerting because she's normally all sharp edges and bladed words. He tries to smile at her to convey his gratitude but it feels strange. 

 

      Marci nods and then, “And don't think you're getting out of shopping with me. Online of course if you prefer.” 

 

       Matt gapes as she turns her attention to Foggy who had been watching quietly, happy that it was going so well, “Now Foggy-bear I came over here because these obnoxious  _ idiots _ decided that it was okay to...” Her words fade out as Matt turns back to his studying, a small smile playing at his lips and a content warmth in his chest.

*******

      A week later Matt and Foggy are stumbling into their beds in the early hours of the morning. They're slightly buzzed but mostly sober and just all around happy. It's late and they are both tired but Matt can tell that neither of them will be falling asleep anytime soon. Foggy is giggling to himself and Matt's mind is racing. After Foggy has stopped giggling for a few minutes Matt decides to speak up. 

 

      “Hey Fogs?” 

 

       “Yeah buddy?” 

       “I never really felt like a boy.” 

 

       “Yeah?” 

 

      “Yeah. But I'm not a woman.” 

      “Alright Matty. Should I change anything I do or say?” 

 

     Matt took a deep breath and let it out slowly before replying, “I think...I think I prefer they/them pronouns?” 

 

      “Okay. Only in private or everywhere?” 

 

     “Private for now?” 

 

      “Sure thing Matt.” 

 

      Finally, finally Matt felt less like exploding. They had been looking into things the past few weeks after Foggy had told them that it was okay for them to wear what they want and then more when Marci mentioned being trans. They felt better. Still not  _ perfect.  _ But more than just  _ okay _ . 

 

      They both go to sleep after mumbled goodnights and the next day after class Matt goes to meet with Marci at a random coffee place. They asked her to meet up to tell her because she already knew half of it and seemed supportive. When they sat across from her she took a drink of her coffee before addressing them. 

 

      “What's up Murdock?” 

 

      “I'm agender.” 

 

      “Okay. Preferred pronouns?” 

 

      “They/them. In private. Foggy knows.” 

 

      “Alright. Let's bring him some coffee? He should be back to your room from class in a few minutes.” 

 

      Matt nods and gets up to follow her to the counter and then back to their room. They're smiling the entire time and Marci tells them about her latest experience with the “obnoxious pricks” that feel like they're some kind of “God's gift to women.” When they get to the dorm and Matt opens the door for Marci they walk in to Foggy laying face down on his bed groaning into his pillow. Matt laughs a bit while Marci announces that she and Matt have brought him the gift of the “only true sustenance.” 

 

     Foggy sits up and smiles at Marci when she hands him the cup, saying a quick thanks before beginning to inhale it. 

 

      “Don't thank me. Thank Matt. If it weren't for them I wouldn't have been in that coffee shop to bring your miserable ass coffee.” 

 

      Matt feels their insides warm up at Marci’s use of the pronouns they prefer as Foggy chokes a bit on his coffee in his shock. 

 

      “Did...Did you just call them _Matt_?! Matt, buddy, you're Catholic, this has _gotta_ be a sign of the end or whatever right?” 

 

      Marci smirks while Foggy splutters and Matt laughs and finally, finally, finally. 

 

       _Finally._ _ Everything is perfect.  _

_ ******* _

      After that Matt starts wearing whatever they want in public. If they're alone and people make a big deal they just smile and go on their way. If Foggy is with them he glares at everyone who makes a problem of it with murder in his posture and expression. And God forbid anyone harass them when Marci is around. Matt ends up with plenty of first-hand experience of her bringing bigots to tears. And Foggy was right. It is beautiful. Not long after they start wearing whatever they want whenever they want they ask Marci and Foggy to use the pronouns they prefer all the time. It doesn't take much of that before Matt starts correcting people when they use the wrong pronouns. 

      Everything was perfect when it was just Marci and Foggy who knew, but there's a whole different kind of  _ rightness  _ to them being themselves publicly and openly. The nuns were wrong. God gave them a penis, but God did not make them a boy. God made them Matt. They are how they were always supposed to be. And there is nothing wrong with that. 


End file.
